I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
