My friends, they love my intelligence
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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