So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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