i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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