worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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