Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
