I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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