I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
