good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
