fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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