I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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