i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
