I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
