i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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