He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
