I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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