Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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