She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
