my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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