I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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