You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
