the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
