there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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