she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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