bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
