It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
