Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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