1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
