Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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