you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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