Non-Jews are for practice
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
