I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
