i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
