so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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