i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All the doctor said was why
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
