I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
