i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
