DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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