I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
