be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
