I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
