I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
