Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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