haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
