Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he fucked my hip out of place.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
