Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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