The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
