Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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