I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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