Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
