he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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