quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
