maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
