These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
