Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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