Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
