I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
two words: eviction party
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
