Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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