if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
