Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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