He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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