I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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