Dual....:-)
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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