New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
where does the pee come out of this thing
There was a lot of him and a little penis
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
