Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
