You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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