I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm like, not good at living.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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