i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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