Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
