so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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