You made me cry and you don't even care
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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