went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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