Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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