how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
